My child won't Comply. What should I do? | Salsabilatuzzahra Jaha S.Psi. from BehaviorPALS Center| Kinderkloud

My child won't Comply. What should I do?

non compliance children

Is your child difficult to comply with? Or is this what you are experiencing now? Non-compliance is when a child refuses to obey, or carry out requests or directions from either parents or other adults. When your child is non-compliance, he may try to rebel, shout "no" at you, slam doors, or other problematic behavior. Another example is maybe the child is not being aggressive but instead of doing the task, he says "yes, I will do it," while he goes to another place that is not a task. Both of these behaviors are non-compliance behavior. Of course, this non-compliance behavior is also not good because obedient behavior is needed in people's lives. such as school activities, and rules from social, public, or community. Then it's good we have to know what causes the child not to want to comply. 


Why is Non-Compliance behavior formed?

The most important thing to remember is that behavior is not random. Behavior is learned. Both adaptive behavior and aggressive and maladaptive behavior such as not wanting to comply. Non-compliance behavior is usually associated with asking the child to do something around the house, or after being asked for something by the child and the parent responding with "No" or forbidding the child. Children do many things, good or bad on purpose. Behavior is not random. Usually, your child will misbehave on purpose because he is testing you. The child will be watching you to see how you will react. He wants to know if you will ignore the behavior, forgive him, or just do the task yourself. He wants to know if You will react with anger, guilt, or no reaction at all.

Behavior has a function, as does non-compliance behavior. Children will do things to get positive reinforcement, escape, or avoid something that they do not want to do or have. Having a solid knowledge of behavior management and behavioral functions will allow you to control your environment and make your child feel safe and secure. Children need discipline, and children with special needs will often need a lot of repetition to practice good behavior before it sticks to them.

What to Do When Non-compliance Occurs

Remember that Non-Compliance behavior can be "self-reinforcing" or "self-rewarding." In other words, every time your child gets away with not doing what you ask him to do, he feels "appreciated." And behaviors that are "rewarded" tend to recur. So every time your child gets away with being disobedient, it increases the chances that he will become disobedient to you again. When your child is disobedient, you need to take action:

DO NOT: Ignore the behavior in the hope that it will go away. Face the situation right away on your own. In very difficult situations, consider getting professional help.

Some of the steps we can take include:

-          Do not get into arguments

Avoid getting into unnecessary arguments or discussions when disciplining children. If you find yourself getting into an argument with a child (e.g., raising your voice, explaining yourself repeatedly):

  • IMMEDIATELY use an escape strategy (e.g., by moving away from the child, stopping answering their questions, looking away, etc.).
  • Wait until you and your child have calmed down, then you can talk to him. Can ask open-ended questions such as “who? What? Etc”
  • TIPS: When asking, avoid using the question “Why?” because it feels like you blame them.

-          Use Positive Language 

  • Tell children what you want them to do, instead of what you DO NOT want them to do.
  • Example: If your child is running and you want them to stop, say "Please walk" instead of "Stop running." If you just tell the child to stop doing the action or activity it's like you leave the decision to the child. That way they may stop running but perform other actions that may be more dangerous such as jumping, climbing, etc.  

        When Negative Behavior Appears, "Be Neutral"

  • When your child begins to behave badly or aggressively, do avoid direct eye contact, excessive language, or touch. All of these are powerful sources of attention. You want to make a clear distinction: between how you act when they behave VERSUS how you act when they misbehave. Your facial expression should be blank, not angry, excited, stressed, etc. Your tone of voice should be flat and neutral, and shouldn't reflect how annoyed or irritated you are. The more excited, loud, and angry the child is, the calmer you should be.

        Offer choices

  • A powerful tool to use with non-compliance children is to offer them choices. If a child is off duty or misbehaving, the options could be to do the task or lose something they enjoy. If the child is challenged and refuses to complete a task, you can give them a choice between two tasks. Example: ("You can take a shower tonight, or you will shower in the morning before school").
  • We must remain firm in upholding our duty to children. Continue to carry out the task or choice the child has chosen.
  • It is also essential to be consistent especially with regard to the choices/agreements made between your child and you.

-          Praise and give him or her attention or something the kids like when they've done the task.

  • When children want to obey and do what you tell them, you are very able to praise them, give them a hug or give them an item they like. This is done so that they feel appreciated for being compliant with you, not for escaping or disobeying.

By Salsabilatuzzahra Jaha S.Psi from BehaviorPALS Center


Source:

Handout from www.aacps.org :

 https://www.aacps.org/cms/lib/MD02215556/Centricity/Domain/1410/TipsforParentsonNon-CompliantChildren%20from%20Thrive.pdf

 

Non Compliance, Children, Problem Behavior

Children 4 Years - 6 Years / 4 Tahun - 6 Tahun / Parenting / Pola Asuh / Family / Keluarga / My child won't Comply. What should I do?

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