Children or Spouse first? | Christy Prawira, MBA, M.A, BCBA from Blubridge Center| Kinderkloud

Children or Spouse first?

happy family

Christy Prawira, MBA, M.A, BCBA

Many people assume that being a good parent means prioritizing children above their own needs. Especially with the expectation from society on the new parenting method; it does not make it any easier. However, we often forget that what makes a family is a strong and healthy relationship with our spouse. Most of us slowly neglect quality time with our partner as we move into parenthood. What used to be a weekly date night turned into laundry or diaper duty. What used to be a lazy Saturday morning coffee chat turned into the chaos of preparing breakfast for the toddler and nursing the baby. Whenever there is a down time, we talk about our children. Soon enough, we never have time to talk to our spouse about relationship. We got too caught up with the hassle of taking care of children. Before we knew it, the romantic relationship we had when we first got married disappeared. If we are not aware, we may continue in this pattern for 18 years until our children leave the house. If by then we did not end up in divorce, it would already have been too late to mend what was broken. Two individuals who once love each other dearly, are now just strangers living together.

So how should we juggle between our relationship with our spouse and taking care of our children?

 

First of all, we need to understand that our children will not have a healthy emotional anchor without a healthy marriage. Therefore, it is important for parents to set aside a time, even if it is only 5-10 minutes a day to talk about each other. Simply share your day with your partner; what are you thankful for and what bothers you that day. This simple and short conversation will help you understand your partner better. Remember that you and your spouse are a team. When there are problems, focus on how you both can solve the problem instead of blaming each other.

Second, we often give praises to our children for the simplest thing but forget to appreciate our partner in what they do. Take time to say thank you and tell them how proud or lucky you are to have them as your partner. Take notice in the simple things they do for you. For example, “Thank you for taking time to cook in the morning today, I love you” or “Thanks for working so hard for our family, I can’t imagine this family without your support.” These words of affirmation are key to nurture your marriage.

Third, do not be afraid to argue in front of your children. I say this because children are smarter than you think. When we fight behind the children but do not talk to each other, they understand that something is wrong. Therefore, it is okay to argue in front of the children and state your disagreements. Let the children see how you navigate through your problems, say sorry to each other, and reconcile. Children are great imitators and they learn from what you do. When you reconcile with each other, they learn how to resolve conflict. Watching you argue will be a great lesson for them that life is not perfect but there is always room to grow.

“Making your relationship a top priority, even when you have kids, is truly a secret to a happy marriage” – unknown

Marriage, Spouse, Family

Newborn 0 - 6 Months / Newborn 0 - 6 Bulan / Marriage & Relationship / Hubungan Suami & Istri / Family / Keluarga / Children or Spouse first?

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